tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post8552286219687459143..comments2023-10-22T23:29:48.012+13:00Comments on O Audacious Book: Tuesday Poem: LitUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-21736852801380066412011-07-10T23:18:55.422+12:002011-07-10T23:18:55.422+12:00Lovely lines. I especially liked the the way it be...Lovely lines. I especially liked the the way it begins.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04283371140346602856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-64987058640066650052011-07-06T13:23:14.713+12:002011-07-06T13:23:14.713+12:00Mary, I liked 'dark obliterating hill' for...Mary, I liked 'dark obliterating hill' for itself but it also has quite a strong echo of Blake's "dark satanic mills", although that may have been deliberate on your part. And there's nothing wrong with echoes, but as the concluding lines I do think it can weaken the poem. Anyways, just another thought to throw into the melting pot.Helen Lowehttp://helenlowe.info/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-6822174157886760102011-07-06T11:07:25.031+12:002011-07-06T11:07:25.031+12:00Mary, this is so lovely, so vivid. I agree with Jo...Mary, this is so lovely, so vivid. I agree with John's lines "I am most like this billowing opera of light/this is everywhere in this failing afternoon".<br /><br />'of new skin. I am fearless." seems the natural ending. Maybe the 'dark, obliterating hill' belongs in a different poem. As it is now, without it, is is almost too bright to look at but that's the nature of revelation and being filled with the pneuma of life, the inspiring/being filled with the spirit of both the highest human feelings and having the Muse guide your hand with such assurance.Melissa Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03270919534011711225noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-88134394798466961222011-07-06T08:51:49.023+12:002011-07-06T08:51:49.023+12:00very beautiful, mary; and so gracefull, you have ...very beautiful, mary; and so gracefull, you have said something special, something new about that haunting deja vu, of "there i am, walking toward myself". dont we all feel that, think that, and yet you tip it out with so little apparent effort.<br /><br />thank you for the joy of it.<br /><br />-susansusan t. landryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12454487318141469849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-14847468827073281722011-07-05T23:42:04.321+12:002011-07-05T23:42:04.321+12:00Thanks everyone - lots to think about there. I'...Thanks everyone - lots to think about there. I've stared at the last two lines for a full five minutes now. <br /><br />I like the way the past 'me' is heartless and fast and canters on past into the dark - the past obliterated like the sun when it sinks etc - but I am interested that you, John and Helen L, think the poem can end on the upbeat/the pure revelation. Perhaps I want to make too much of a story of my poems? Bryan Walpert - I think it was - told me a poem shouldn't end on action but that the language itself should be enough...<br /><br />I'll go to sleep thinking about all this now. Lovely. Thank you for taking the time to visit and comment. <br />And yes, Helen, poetry deserves more space in daily life! Maybe we should organise a march to that effect ...Mary McCallumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07482261103185786111noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-90179333316658546072011-07-05T22:53:38.465+12:002011-07-05T22:53:38.465+12:00Outstanding performance, Mary,
These lines are ju...Outstanding performance, Mary,<br /><br />These lines are just lovely:<br /><br />"I am most like this billowing opera of light <br />that is everywhere in this failing afternoon"<br /><br />I agree with Helen. The last 2 lines are quite unnecessary. Why not end with:<br /><br />"of new skin. I am fearless."<br /><br />Although I also like 'dark, obliterating hill'.<br /><br />JohnPenal-Colonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04578228230659521795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-26898311558994793332011-07-05T21:38:13.458+12:002011-07-05T21:38:13.458+12:00Lovely Mary! I was especially taken by 'I am/w...Lovely Mary! I was especially taken by 'I am/walking towards myself'. Isn't it a pity how poetry has to fit into the little gaps and spaces in one's life, rather than having more space for its own.Helen Rickerbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10652318704387476082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-89680475315472146812011-07-05T20:32:00.877+12:002011-07-05T20:32:00.877+12:00Mary, I think it works up until the last two lines...Mary, I think it works up until the last two lines--somehow these don't quite either 'tie up' the rest of the poem, or leave it open in the way that nonetheless 'finishes'--but I was right with you up until then, enjoying but also 'puzzling it out.' Others may see more to suggest, however.Helen Lowehttp://helenlowe.info/blog/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-688274121226963086.post-6248935595385612022011-07-05T15:31:18.450+12:002011-07-05T15:31:18.450+12:00It certainly captures the whole Playcentre feel ve...It certainly captures the whole Playcentre feel very nicely, while remaining somewhat exotic and detached.AJ Ponderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15625252892255925438noreply@blogger.com